Today

Today I went by well.

I made it to the end of the week.

I have been feeling this desire to disassociate myself.

When I think of it, it feels great.

When I do it, I don't realize it is happening.

Since his passing I don't yearn to do the same things I did.

I do long to drink, and when I do it, it feels like I'm numbing the pain.

I don't want that.

I crave intimacy, without the sex.

I could have sex,

I have had it.

That's just a carnal desire that comes and goes.

I've been feeling empty lately.

On autopilot.

I occupied myself with work just to ignore anyone and everyone.

I want to be alone, but loneliness is the number one killer in my family.

It begins with a loss,

A detachment,

An emptiness.

Then slowly we starve ourselves, play with our health.

We drink.

We gamble.

We give away everything we own.

Care for nothing and no one.

Then one day, when your loved ones realize there is no hope

reality sets and you are on your deathbed.

I don't want to be like them.

I am not them.

I am still strong to love myself and love life.

Fulfill my goals, (if any)

Try anything once.

Love again.

That never died in me.

I love and care for alot of people.

I just hope to be loved and cared for in return.

It's nice, you know?

But for now,

I shall remain dormant.

Maybe tomorrow I shall express a little more.

Just...a little.